چــرا بعضی از کودکان فحش می دهند؟

۱,۶۴۹

چرا بعضی کودکان فحش میدهند؟

مادر: فرزند ۳ ساله ی من مدتی است که حرف های بسیار بد می زند و مدام از الفاظ و فحش هایی استفاده می کند که بسیار ما را نگران کرده است کارشناس: اخیراً چنین اتفاقی رخ داده یا قبلا هم همینطور بوده است؟

مادر: قبلا خیلی کم بوده اما اخیرا خیلی زیاد از این واژه ها استفاده می کند

کارشناس : وقتی از او می پرسید در کجا یاد گرفته ای چه می گوید؟ مادر : می گوید در مهد کودک یاد گرفته ام .چون من و پدرش اصلا در منزل چنین حرف هایی نمی زنیم

کارشناس: بطور کلی بچه ها هر چیز جدیدی را که یاد می گیرند برایشان جذاب و جالب است و سعی می کنند که ان را مدام تکرار کنند و حتی یک جورایی سعی می کنند واکنش دیگران را ببینند یا اینکه کنجکاو می شوند ببینند با انجام این کار بعدا چه اتفاقی می افتد.تکرار رفتار های بد بچه به واکنش شما بستگی دارد .برخی والدین طوری برخورد می کنند که انگار تا حالا چنین حرف ها و رفتار هایی را در عمرشان نشنیده و ندیده اند و کنترل رفتار خود را از دست می دهند و بسیار عصبانی می شوند در حالیکه بچه ها با دیدن واکنش تند والدین برعکس بیشتر مشتاق می شوند که آن حرف ها ی بد را تکرار کنند

مادر: خوب ما چه کاری می توانیم انجام دهیم؟ کارشناس: برخی والدین چون بچه ها در سنین پایین وقتی حرف بدی می زنند خیلی بامزه بیان می کنند ، به خنده می افتند و برایشان خیلی هم جذابست که فرزندشان چنین کلماتی ادا کرده است در حالیکه اینها رفتار های غلطی است که باعث می شود بچه آن را تکرار کند چون به هر ترتیب توجه والدین به ان جلب شده است چه مثبت باشد و چه منفی. وقتی که والدین از قبل برای بعضی چیزها اماده باشند یکدفعه شوکه نمی شوند و کنترل خود را از دست نمی دهند .

در این مواقع بهترین رفتار این است که ابتدا بی اعتنایی کنیم به حرف بدی که شنیده ایم و نه داد و بیداد راه بیندازیم و نه عصبانی شویم و اگر باز هم تکرار کرد خیلی جدی به فرزندمان می گوییم که دیگر دوست ندارم چنین کلمه ای را به کار ببری و نمی خواهم بشنوم.

همه ی ادم ها در سنین مختلف چیز های متفاوتی یاد می گیرند مهم این است که ما به عنوان والدین بتوانیم رفتارهای خود را در برابر آموزه های فرزندانمان کنترل کنیم و به او یاد دهیم که چطور رفتار و کلامش را کنترل کند .

والدین باید سعی کنند که خودشان الگوی مناسبی برای فرزندشان باشند و از همان سنین پایین فرزندشان باید مراقب رفتارهای خود باشند و در طرز صحبت کردن و بیان کلمات دقت داشته باشند حتی چیزهایی که شاید به نظر زشت و ناپسند نیایدرا هم نباید به کار ببرند مثل اینکه به بچه بگویند تو چقدر لوسی ، بی مزه ،بی ادب و امثالهم چرا که همه ی اینها مجوزی هستند که بچه شبیه اینها رفتار کند .

مادر :اگر این اتفاق در جمع افتاد چه واکنشی مناسب است که انجام دهیم ؟ کارشناس:در مورد بی ادبی بچه در جمع نکته ی کلیدی این است که او را به خاطر رفتارش در جلوی دیگران مورد سرزنش قرار ندهید که خجالت زده شود و احساس کند که تحقیر شده است .

باید او را به کناری ببرید و خیلی جدی به او تذکر دهید که در جمع و این جور صحبت ها اصلا شایسته نیست و نباید تکرار شود .بهتر است اگر در جمع به کسی فحش داده به بچه یاد دهیم که از او معذرت خواهی کند .

مادر :اگر فرزند من به هر نوعی که شده باز هم رفتارش را تکرار کرد و همچنان به دیگران فحش داد چه باید بکنم؟

کارشناس: باید به او توضیح دهید که وقتی به کسی فحش می دهد چه احساس بدی در او ایجاد می کند و باعث دلخور شدن و ناراحتی دیگران می شود .در ضمن به او بگویید که من می فهمم که تو در این لحظه خیلی عصبانی شدی چون اغلب بچه ها وقتی عصبانی می شوند فحش می دهند ،اما باید به او یاد دهیم که به جای فحش دادن احساس ناراحتی اش را بیان کند .مثلا وقتی دوستش اسباب بازی اش را برداشت به جای اینکه به او فحش بدهد بگوید “من از اینکه اسباب بازی ام را برداشتی ناراحتم لطفا ان را پس بده “.

بچه باید شیوه ی بیان احساسش را یاد بگیرد و شما می توانید از طریق بازی هایی که در منزل با او انجام می دهید اینها را به او بیاموزید.حتی مواقعی که با همسرتان جر و بحث می کنید به جای اینکه از الفاظ زشت استفاده کنید احساسات خود را بیان کنید تا بچه از شما یاد بگیرد .شما می توانید در بازی هایی که با او می کنید نقش دوستش را داشته باشید که حالا به زور یکی از اسباب بازی هایش را از او می گیرید و در عین حال به او یاد می دهید که نباید به شما فحش دهد بلکه احساسش را بیان کند .اگر اینکار را درست انجام داد حتماً تحسینش کنید . در ضمن خیلی مهم است که بدانید از کجا یاد گرفته ، از تلویزیون یا کارتون خاصی را تماشا می کند از دوستانش در مهد کودک یا بچه های فامیل یاد گرفته.

مادر: یکی از دوستانش که بچه ی همسایه ی ما ست حرف بد زیاد می زند و قتی متوجه شدم دیگر اجازه ندادم که با او رفت و امد کند ایا این کار درستی است؟

کارشناس: توجه داشته باشید که ما نمی توانیم بچه ها را کاملا ایزوله کنیم و در یک محیط غیر واقعی تربیت کنیم .چون حتی اگر شما بتوانید بچه را در منزل کنترل کنید در مهد کودک یا مدرسه نمی توانید این کار را انجام دهید .

بچه از طریق رسانه های مختلف ،کارتونها و سریال هایی که می بیند چیزهایی را می اموزد که در حیطه ی کنترل والدین نیست نکته ی مهم این است که به بچه بفهمانیم و توضیح دهیم که ما هم این فحش ها و حرف های بد را بلد هستیم اما به کار نمی بریم بایدبه او یاد دهیم که چگونه روی خودش کنترل داشته باشد و اگر با وجود تمام این اموزش ها باز هم رفتار های بدش را ادامه داد می توانیم از روش دیگری استفاده کنیم به این ترتیب که یک سری پیامد هایی را برای فحش دادن هایش بگذاریم.

برای مثال اگر فحش داد او را از چیزی محروم کنید که دوستش دارد یا اینکه اگر فرزند شما ۳ ساله است ۳ دقیقه در مکانی که توجه پدر و مادر به او نباشد باید بنشیند و در واقع برای مدتی از توجه انها محروم بماند این را روش محرومیت موقت گویند که خود بچه هم باید نسبت به ان اگاه باشد که وقتی حرف بدی زد حتما محرومیتی موقتی خواهد داشت این روشها معمولا در مورد بچه های که فحش می دهند جواب می دهد .

پس درابتدا باید در مقابل فحش هایی که بچه می دهد بی اعتنا باشیم و واکنش شدیدی نشان ندهیم و اگر تکرار شد خیلی جدی به او تذکر می دهیم که دیگر دوست ندارم چنین حرف هایی را بشنوم و باید به او اموزش دهیم که چگونه احساسش را بیان کند موقعی که ناراحت و عصبانی است در ضمن تمام رفتار ها و حرف های خوبش را هم مورد تشویق و تحسین قرار دهیم اگر اینها جواب نداد از روش محرومیت موقت استفاده می کنیم.

موضوعات :مقاله

۱,۶۴۹ دیدگاه

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